So, it’s been a while. Things have been busy, of course, but I’ve been holding a lot back, because I just didn’t want to share it with certain people…if you know what I mean. However, I think it’s time I start expressing this new path that I’ve been traveling.
Dating. Ugh. Let me say, that I still cannot believe that I am dating (well actually I’m not even sure I can say that’s it yet) at my age…I just really never EVER thought I would be doing this…Maybe it’s denial, because I always knew that my Ex-husband was not the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with…but I thought I was going to anyway.
Per the suggestion of my counselor, I joined an online dating group. The reason: I need to learn about men…what better way then to meet a lot of men. NOT in a ‘have sex with a lot of men’ way…just get to know…learn. Well let me tell you…I have been learning. Some things about myself, some things about men…and a LOT about having a tougher attitude.
It’s been about two months. I’ve let down a lot of guard, learned to be genuine with my feelings, my desires for a relationship. Bottom line is…I want LOVE. I want to love and be loved by a man who accepts All of me…I’ve learned to let go of my insecurities, stop trying to be the ‘perfect’ partner, and be honest with myself, and the person I’m trying to get to know. If you don’t want what I want, then what’s the point. There have been some funny things, somewhat disturbing things…and some really good things. It’s definitely been a rollercoaster ride. With each little connection, I learn a little more to take to the next.
Most recently I met a man that I felt immediate chemistry with. From our first online chat, to the 4 hour phone conversation…to the 6 hour phone call the next day. I knew there was something about this guy…that was right for me. Never in my life had I been so comfortable, so willing to open up and feel at ease being myself with a person of the opposite sex. I told my friends…when I give him shit he get’s it…and when he gives it back, I get it too! We had a wonderful week…and that was it. Today I am a little sad, but not devastated. I do NOT regret opening up…I don’t regret the time we spent together…I don’t regret the choice he made to follow his heart.
From this ‘relationship’ I’ve come away with two important lessons…There are men out there that will ‘get’ me. You need to be compatible kissers. I know that last one is a bit…um, well, on the romantic side…but I think it’s important. Kissing is such an intimate and passionate act between two people…if you aren’t compatible…then you lose a part of the intensity and connection with your partner. I didn’t like the way my ex kissed…and I didn’t like the way this last guy kissed.
So, I’ve added something to my list of acceptable characteristics…so to speak. Our kissing must be compatible. Next time, if the connection is there, the conversation is good…I’m going to come right out and ask for the kiss…Cause if THAT is good…then it’s time to move forward…if not, well then, maybe it’s time to move on.
Image found http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-French-Kiss/
It's nice to know you're doing well & getting your feet wet in the 'dating' pool. I have to totally agree with you on the kissing thing. I dated guys that were horrid kissers & it would have never worked out in the long run because I remember cringing everytime they went in for a kiss, lol. Luckily my hubs & I mesh really well ;)
ReplyDeleteSo glad your back! It's a lady phoenix but I am now back to my old blog... I hope you keep updating your blog because I missed you!
ReplyDeleteHow ironic -- yesterday I happened to land on the French kissing article -- small world.
ReplyDeleteI think the key to connection is always connecting at the values.
When you mention compatible kissing, it reminds me of some show I watched when I was a kid. I remember somebody kept kissing different people until they finally saw fireworks. It might have been the Brady Bunch -- I just remember the fireworks part.
i've been sporadically posting too, i think it's in the water! oh yes, dating. i know. good times. but don't forget to have fun with it! you're definitely right about the kissing. i refused a second date with someone who like to bite while kissing. he thought girls liked that. poor guy. LOL
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