Growing one little tiny step at a time...

I feel different. I can't exactly explain it, but it's different.

As I go through my counseling, I keep being reminded that I have regressed to my early 20's. The last time I think he said I was like a sophmore....Ugh. Still very childish, wanting to have fun and yet yearning for the life of a woman.

Over the last few weeks, fate has chosen to have me slow down...a lot. Now, I feel different. I've had my fun...my childish fun...and now I'm really longing for something a little more mature. Not in the settle down into a 'relationship' kind of mature, but definetly something a little less carefree.

I also came to realize...I might actually have 'feelings' for someone. Dammit. THAT was not part of the plan. Not ready for it...not in the least. Unfortunatly, sometimes you just can't control how you feel. I'm not really freaking out about this revelation...but, on so many levels, it just isn't right.

What's nice...is knowing I'm not dead inside. Thinking of him makes me feel good, and alive. I savor every breif moment we have together....and long for more time with him. He's sweet, he's idealistic...he's passionate and he is a beautiful soul. Sigh. I've chosen to keep my feelings to myself for this moment. I want to savor these feelings...enjoy feeling alive and dare I say it....giddy.

So, I think I'm growing up a little...just a little.