I should be right there...

I chose this picture...because it is where I wish I could click my heels and be right now, this moment. Just close my eyes, click my heels 3 times and transport myself to a place that has no hint of my life here and now.

Lately, I've been thinking about the holidays...and my year divorce anniversary. The holidays are going to just be odd. I'm not saying they will be hard, but it would certainly help if I had a great big extended family we have spent the holidays with. Then it wouldn't be so hard knowing that I will have to SHARE my kids for the holidays...and know that there will be some time, I will NOT be with them. (clicking heels) It would be a little bit easier, if I knew that I would still be surrounded by loved ones who would distract me from the reality of the situation.

Talking with a co-worker today she suggested I go spend the Thanksgiving with a friend. I said that sounds so good...and really, people are always offering to extend themselves so you aren't alone, until the time comes around. Then its' one excuse after another...Or they just seem to forget you are alone. I think it's that I am a reminder that life isn't always rainbows and sunshine...A reminder how different life can be. Some people just can't seem to really handle "life" in their face...And then there is that little bit of stubborn I have inside of me, who refuses to ASK!

Now, what's up with time going by so damn fast....I mean really. I've now been divorced for 7 months! I had always said, that after a year, I would view my life, and see what I need to do. Some people just can't seem to respect that. One person in particular keeps "reminding" me that I'm going to need to get a better paying job. I know I know. Working for $8.00 an hour just isn't going to cut it permanently...Just give me a year. I'll figure things out. I'm not even going to entertain the idea of looking for another job. However, if the perfect job falls into my lap, I will NOT pass it up!

For now...I'm still wrapping my head around my new life. It's a big big change going from a married stay at home mom, to a divorced single working mom. I still can't seem to manage shopping regularly, paying the bills regularly, cleaning and teaching my kids that helping out, benefits them as much as it does me. Oh, and trying to have my own little life too...It's too much. Just one year...that's all I'm asking .

I need to get away...Just for a few days. I need to find a way...I need to do it, not just think about it...but actually put the wheels in motion. Before I fly off, and do something crazy, like cry for 4 months.

For now...I just close my eyes, click my heels...and pretend I'm right in the middle of that picture.