Maybe I'm a brat

There was a time, I thought, like most, if only my life would change, everything would be better. I'm finding that's not always so.

Let's take my weight. Ok I know, I probably shouldn't complain, but I'm not happy. Now with how I look...naked or in clothes. I'm not happy with how I feel...and if I'm not happy, then I need to change something.

What's the problem...I don't have anyone keeping me down but myself. Unfortunately, myself is keeping me down. I have no motivation whatsoever. None. Not to eat better, not to exercise, not to do anything. I think I'm being a little stubborn. Funny, it's so predictable. I make a decision....and then I do whatever I can to sabotage it. Ugh. I have no one to blame but myself.

You would think...Just the mere thought of somebody seeing this 40 year old body naked would give me the motivation to slim and tone. I thought it would...but it doesn't. There is a little part of me that thinks "well, someone will love me just the way I am". Ideally that would be nice. However, the first person to love me just the way I am HAS to me ME! And I don't...

I smile a lot more...I'm generally much happier than I was earlier this year...Fate has issued me a challenge...Instead of coming up to the challenge...I have stuck my tongue out at it, just like a child. This is something I have to work on.

I joined a weight loss challenge at my work. Next week is the 1/2 way point. I have nothing to show...Nothing. Time to kick myself in the butt, and take some responsibility for myself and my life...Liking myself on the inside...time to match it on the outside!!