Sometimes things just fall into place.

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."
— Audrey Hepburn

I have one more reason to hate doing laundry. It's too damn quiet. Who needs to be alone with their thoughts like that...every day! Ugh, just me, a pile of warm clothes to fold...and my brain running 10,000 mpm. Something tells me I should put a tv down in that room...or the radio...or just let someone else do it. Cause no matter how hard I try, I just can't shut my brain up long enough to get out of there.

However....it's probably necessary to have that little 'quiet' time. Sometimes the thoughts are like mini conversations...Maybe a playback of a previous conversation, where I actually came back with the appropriate remarks. Sometimes, it's 'test' conversations...Prep for a future meeting. Most times it's just me, wondering what the hell I'm doing and when the hell I'm gonna get things right. I beat myself up a lot in that room. Telling myself those wonderful things I chastise other people for saying to me, or to themselves. You know, verbal garbage.

Today, while folding way too many dishtowels...I began to think of my feelings for a certain someone. Of course, I turned all Therapist on myself, analyzing the reasons THIS particular person stirs such emotions in me. What I came up with was that it makes perfect sense. I have fallen for someone I can't possibly have a mature lasting loving relationship with...Because...wait for it...That's NOT what I'm ready for! Whew. I should pay MYSELF $130 an hour for that kind of thinking.

This time I'm going to give my self a break. NOT going to beat myself up for feeling the way I do. I'm not going to give in to trying to decide if I'm right or wrong or whatever it is that makes me think I should NOT be feeling the way I do. I'm just going to feel...feel just like I do right now, and let it sink in. Somewhere over time...those feelings will change. As well they should. My heart will grow stronger, and so will I.

So for today...I'm going to allow myself to be ok with having mushy immature feelings for this man....I'm not going to spend any energy on trying to decipher them or deny them...or make myself stop feeling them. For now, I'm just going to feel...good.