Imma Gonna Tell You Something...

I am an amazing person. Truly I believe that with all my heart. There have been some things lately, that tell me...despite the occasional mess, I am doing a great job here!

Now...why today do I have to bring this up? Well the holidays are coming..and that means..Family! I miss the kind of gatherings we had when I was a kid. Everybody getting together...coming from where ever they were, to be together for just a few days. Somewhere during my growing up...things changed. Sigh.

I do NOT have a good relationship with either one of my parents. I made a point of telling my Father, his opinion of MY marriage was unwelcome...and I didn't ask for 'help' from my Mother. For those reasons...I have been shut out. Not to say that the relationships were healthy prior to all this...but it seems that these events, sealed my parental fate.

Oh Well...

So here it is...the holidays. This is the first year of separate holidays. The ex is taking the kids to his Grams house...Which means I'm spending this one with my Mother. Oh Joy. I have absolutely no idea what to expect. Thankfully I had the smarts enough to go see my counselor last week. I'm prepared to not take anything she says personally...I have my prepared response all ready to go. Plus, it's at a restaurant, and with people who don't really know her 'shitty' side. So that could work to my favor.

My father...pretty much is back to acting like I don't much exists. Kids get stuff...but there is not communication. His wife asks once and a while...I happened to kind of just let out that $$ is tight. I had just gotten done going over all the medical bills left to pay! Well, they sent me a check for $500. I sent each of them a Thank you text..She responded...He did not. Today I get a email with his suggestions for gifts for the kids. One yes, one no. No thought, no feeling...nothing.

To make things even better...Last night the ex was feeling sorry for himself. Apparently he's tired of his 13 year old son ignoring him. Ugh...nearly 20 years I had to deal with the martyr that is my ex...Poor him, it's soooo hard...I just don't understand. One thing I have to say now...Hey buddy, I just don't care!! I had to tell him that I love the relationship I have with the kids, it is what it is because I made it that way...and if he wants it different, HE needs to do something...Oh, and BTW...the boy ignores me too! He's 13!!!

Still wishing I could just escape. Go away leave this whole business of my crazy life behind...just for a day maybe three! I hoping for a little escape this weekend...I am hoping with every single fiber of my being...One night spent with someone I adore...Away from HERE!

For now...I'm just going to smile...and let it sink in that I am an amazing person! As for all those crazy people in my life...Screw You! Bwaahhhaaa......