Is there any room left in there?

Sometimes you forget how big your heart is...or how much it takes to fill it...Or maybe that it's even there, until you let someone in. I let someone in...just a little. I didn't give my heart away, didn't fall in love or anything like that. However, I did let them in, whether they know it or not, and now it hurts.

Not broken, not shattered into a million pieces...just hurt. What I realize is that I am alive....There really is some room in there. I haven't locked it...it hasn't turned to stone, I am alive and I have room in my heart for someone to love. As good as that feels...it's scary and painful too.

As a girl, I gave my heart away to everyone...Many many MANY times it was trampled or abused or mistreated and tossed back to me to repair all on my own. In an effort to NOT make the same mistake this time around...I've felt like I've been hoarding my heart....Almost purposely blocking myself from the possibility of someone getting in. Well, not really. I can't even pretend to myself that I've been doing that. I have put it out there...only to be disappointed. The difference is that it wasn't abused and returned. I opened it up, and healed it without the drama and heartache of the girl I once was.

I'm not going to pretend to be this "tough no feeling you can't hurt me cause I won't let you" chick...it's not me...can't do it...not even going to try. I'm also not going to be foolish either. Being smart, but open, is not easy. I don't want to miss the opportunity to let someone in completely...but I also don't want to be crushed. Damn, isn't this the lesson of a young girl? Not of a 40 year old woman??? Well, lessons are learned when we acknowledge there is room for the lesson. I'm ready!