You never know how strong you can be...

There is a quote, and I cannot find the author...but it goes "You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have."

I know that!

Right now, I have a few friends that are going through some very painful events. Each one of them is dealing with something completely different, and yet, they all suffer the same heart wrenching pain. Pain I know all too well. If I could just wrap them all up in my arms and make the pain stop I would....However, I know that sometimes it's going through the pain that in the end makes us even stronger. So, I sit back, and support them the best that I can.

I had someone tell me that making my bed was very "country girl" of me. I laughed out loud...There is not an inch of country girl in this chick...I am all Rock n' Roll... I told them it's really more about control. There have been many days I have felt powerless against my feelings, events or other people. There are days I can't seem to control anything...except that at the very least I made my bed. Just looking at it all put together brings me a sense of accomplishment and peace. Sounds rather simple...but there are days, it's all I have.

One of these friends, who I adore with all my heart, is in a place where he feels (at least it is the impression I get when he talks) that he is completely alone...no friends and I hate people is exactly what he said. He is damaged and hurting. What I hope to help him realize is that he is NOT alone, and he is no more broken that the rest of us...If there is nothing else, he has a friend in me...one who may not know exactly what he is going through, but definitely knows the pain.

Counting on people is something I learned a long time ago...you just can't do. I find that the only thing you can count on for sure...is that you can't count on anyone. Now, that is not to say I ever gave up hope...It's what kept me married for 17 years...the hope that one day I would be able to count on him to truly be there as my partner. Eventually, I realized that was not going to happen. For a while, I was bitter...can't count on my husband, can't count on my family, can't count on my friends...What the hell is the point! Then I realized...I CAN count on me.

For some people, its not that they don't want to be there to support you but they are so damaged themselves...or so consumed with the troubles in there own life, they just can't. Ok...I can accept that...So when one of my girlfriends told me that she was so grateful that I was there for her when she needed someone to talk to, even though she was not there for me when I needed it...I simply said, I would never turn my back on someone in need. I mean it, completely with all my heart. Coming through the darkness and feeling a bit of the sun on my future, I realize that I have only to give a little...to gain so much more.

We are all going through something...we have all been damaged by someone or something at some point in our lives. I have watched some people become bitter and live every day like a victim looking at life only through those eyes. What they see everyday, is how they are getting screwed...Well, you see what you are looking for. Why not look for something better? Is it really sooooo hard to stop looking for the crap that is wrong, and start looking for what is GOOD? Even if for today, it's as simple as a bed that is made. Some may say that it's 'easy' for me... Too that I can only say, Thank You. Not because it IS easy, but because I make it look easy. There are days, too many sometimes, that ever second of the day is a struggle... The difference between me and you, is simply that I refuse to wallow in that struggle.

Fake it till you make it. Put on a smile when all you want to do is cry. Go somewhere that FORCES you to get out of your pit of despair. This time of year offers many opportunities...if you are willing to look for the Joy. Yesterday was NOT so much a good day for me. I am really in quite the crappy mood...yelling at the kids....a little of self pity, poor me going on. What I did was something I had wanted to do for YEARS...I bought myself a pre lite Christmas tree. Once that tree was up, plugged in and decorated...I had an overwhelming sense of calm and peace. I did something I wanted to do...and I was reaping the rewards looking at a simple accomplishment.

Having a hard time finding something...Go to the zoo...check out any local Festival of Lights...Stay out of the malls...go somewhere alone or with someone that makes you feel good and find the joy that's out there. Or, simply make you bed or sit in front of your tree with some Christmas music...There is something, you just have to look for it.

This is the qote I have on my FaceBook profile...It's something I am sure to look at everyday just to keep me focused...

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein