Everything happens for a reason

I know so many people have a hard time with this concept. Especially when it comes to pain and suffering...but this is something I believe in with all my heart. Even when there is pain and suffering, there is a lesson for us in it.

This week, I had a falling out with my mother. Something that if I had waited just one more day, would never have taken place. So, I have to believe, what was said needed to be said...what I realized was something that I needed to realize. So, in the end, this falling out happened because it was necessary for me...and maybe for her as well.

As a result of this falling out, I told her that I just have no desire to have her in my life at this time. It wasn't easy, I didn't really ever want it to come to that...but, it just needed to be said. I have been dancing around our strained relationship for a long time. January is her birthday, so I have spent the better part of the month considering taking her out to lunch and finally giving her the lowdown on the subject of my father...which is a HUGE part of the reason we are strained.

While running this idea over and over in my head...I really just didn't have a good feeling. No matter how good my intention is...she is just not in a place to accept or understand why I have made some of the choices I have made. Takes a little bit of enlightenment to truly understand the concept of forgiveness...and letting go of anger. The falling out happened the day before her birthday.

Basically, I needed something from her, she didn't want to give it to me. It is NOT about the thing I needed...it is about her need to be in control. Finally in the end I told her, I'm tired of everything with her having to be so difficult...she does not like me, it comes through in every thing she does with me whether it's text, email, phone calls or being in the same room with me. She has so much anger at me...and she just refuses to let go of it. I just do not have the energy or desire to dance around it any more...

I said some things that weren't really nice...It really as to do with trying to make a big impression on her...She needs help, serious professional help. This need to hang on to her anger is keeping her from having a relationship with her ONLY child...and her only grandchildren. She's unstable, in my opinion. I just have enough on my plate and there is no room for her negativity in my life, or my kids lives...

Truth is, it makes me a little sad...Would LOVE to have a closer relationship with her. Unfortunately, until she works on her, it can never be a healthy loving relationship. All I can do it keep things good for me and the kids...THAT I can do, and I'm getting better and better at it every day.

Back to the original message in this post...Happens for a reason. I am more enlightened today that I was before this happened...I have been able to see the truth, and I have been able to let go of the pressure to fix something that is not fixable.