Make it stop...

My brain is a jumbled mess. There are days I amaze myself just getting out of bed and going along with the day. Well, I guess, maybe I'm not that bad off. I have my heartaches and issues, but they do not consume me. I am a well adjusted 40 year old woman who is starting a new life as a single mom of two. Whew, that sounds more like it.

I am quickly approaching quite the milestone. In just a few short weeks, I will be turning 41 AND marking the 1 year anniversary of my divorce. One year! Wow. It's been quite a year for me. The truth is, I have amazed myself in so many ways...proving that I am quite capable of taking care of myself. Even though, there have been a TON of obstacles, 'bumps' and a landslide or two. For all intensive purpose, I am doing outstanding.

The goal for this year, is to actually pull myself together, and get working on some kind of routine. So far so good. Bills are getting paid....ever so slowly, but paid. Grocery shopping is getting done, meals are being prepared, clothes are clean and there is toothpaste toilet paper and soap! In all that I'm back to getting myself up a little earlier and doing my Yoga, which in turn means I am getting to bed a little earlier too. I'm saying yes to the invitations I want to, and no to those I don't. I'm taking time to just be alone with no commitments, and no distractions to clear my brain, or at the very least give attention to my thoughts.

My life right now is about growth. At 41 that kind of sucks...I'm learning lessons about myself that I SHOULD have learned a long time ago. However, better late than never. It is MY time, this is how my life played out, and I'm grabbing it with both hands. Having accepted that, has allowed some really great people into my life that help to support my growth, and at times, help me see that I am not losing my freaking mind.

Ahh...life. It's quite the trip. I spend my days laughing, crying, talking and being silent. I am living my life with truth and acceptance. No more trying to be something I'm not, for someone who doesn't care. No more putting aside my feelings, my hopes, my dreams because someone else doesn't find the value in them. I value them, I value me....and I hope, when all is said and done, my children will learn these lessons much much MUCH earlier than me...through me, and because they see the value too.