Ever have one of those moments...

There are moments in our lives...we try to avoid. Usually its some sort of confrontation with someone you know won't be pretty. I have too many of those moments. Through the years, I have tried to take a few of them head on, but usually end up bruised and battered...and backing down.

Not this time!

I offered to have lunch with my mother on Sunday. The way our relationship goes these days, I let her know when things are going on, but not much else. So she emails me "let me know when you are ready to reconnect". Deep breath...then I reply "how about lunch this weekend?" So there...I did it. First step. What I really wanted to say was "why, has something changed?" However, I know that would be completely confrontational and rather immature.

We arrive at the restaurant...I give her a hug. We've never been much of huggers...but I've been trying to change that over the years. We sit...some idle conversation...Choose some food to share. Then over the appetizer (delicious crab cakes) the true reason for her email is revealed.

"I want to talk about why you won't let me take the kids on vacation."

Shit...ok. Here we go. I have two choices...lie or tell the truth. I've been sort of just avoiding the whole thing...hoping she would just drop it. Guess that didn't work. So here it is...one of those moments that can define you. Do you step up and stand your ground...or do you get bullied into giving in?

This time I did NOT back down. I gave it to her straight. Here is why! Whew!! So, it went really well...Hahahaha...Oh hell no it did NOT.

"I'm disappointed"
"I don't remember ever doing that"
"You just remember the way you want to"
"You are a liar"
"You don't deserve any respect"
"You are just using the kids to punish me"
"That's it, I can see this was a mistake"

The end....

I was left shaking, heart racing and alone. I ordered another daiquiri, and continued to eat my meal. Once I relaxed...I was almost giddy. Anyone who has dealt with a bully understands how it feels to stand your ground. It's the scariest and most wonderful feeling of all. There is a point where you hope that once and for all they will take you serious and stop trying to bully you, but deep down, we all know that is just not going to happen.

This is that moment. I have replayed the conversation in my head a few times...Never once did I think I should have said something else...I stood firm to my conviction! I am proud of me! So very proud. Do I wish the conversation would have gone differently? Sure. There is always a part of me that wishes my feelings mattered...that she cared enough about me and my kids to really want to make things right....I'm too old to believe that will ever happen. It is more important for her to get her way...then to admit she was wrong.

I have accepted that.

I faced a challenge head on with strength and conviction (and the daiquiri didn't hurt either).